Wanderer and the dream of perfect happiness!

Sleep well. That’s what the Wanderer told me. “Tomorrow we start our little search. We head out for searching Radha. Sleep well tonight.”

I must confess I didn’t want to sleep last night. Not a minute that night. I wanted to feel every moment that was passing by. Not lose it to sleep. I believed it to be simple. I hadn’t slept much in the last four-odd months. All these months sleep had eluded me, even when I begged it to come. I assumed last night to be no different. Ironically, I couldn’t keep my eyelids from drooping the moment I hit the bed. I tried real hard and I mean really-really hard to be awake. But sleep came like the sandman had sprinkled gold dust over my forehead. Moments before I lost to sleep, I felt as if I was being pulled into some sort of a silvery whirlpool.

I recall looking at the clock in the hotel room; it was 9:00 pm by the non-studio clock before I lost my battle to sleep. Unusually early for me be at the bed. But I must now confess how slept like a log. Like I haven’t slept for months… I was held prisoner in the ambit of sleep and strangely I recall how lovely it was when I was sleeping. A lucid and deep sleep.

I recall that there was a dream… a long and enigmatic dream that I dreamt last night. Full eight and a half hour of sleep. Like a full work day. In that dream I seeped to the bottom of the sea. Into that silvery whirlpool, like Alice tripping down the rabbit hole. All around me was liquid… shiny slivery and bluish liquid. Much different than the water we know of. It seemed more like a sea of pure energy rather than sea water. Like active nucleons of positive and negative charge were making love to each other. I was surrounded by pure energy in motion or what is abbreviated as emotion…. Energy in motion, Emotion!

During that reverie, I remember that I had read about Atlantis – the lost civilization. Instantly my sub conscious mind started to relate the dream with that of the fabled Atlantis itself. I saw magnificent underwater-like life, corals, multi-colored corals, more corals, coral drawn, fishes with wings, birds with fins, beautiful butterflies, butterscotch mountains, black currant ravines, penguins and mermaids in a trance, Robin Hood and Queen of New Orleans in a dance, I realized that I love her and have taken the chance. Further down the fathoms, I saw all the people who are dear to me. My family and friends, my loved ones, my teachers, my students, my dogs, my writings, my poetry, my actions, my reactions, my quests, my achievements, my triumphs, my highs, my books, my dancing gods, my loving nods, my childhood dream, my awesome teens, my sweet tooth, my wisdom tooth, my hilarious guitar, my this life, my that life, my love life, I was running through butter like a hot knife.

It was beautiful, to see all that you love in one place and time. I realize it is very rare to witness this. To be in the august company of all your happiness put together without pilferage.

I floated around for a while, looking at the sheer beauty and perfectness of creation, mesmerized by the flawless orchestration of life by the invisible hand. Theories aside, God or no God, I feel the compounding effect of love accumulated here in this moment, accumulated bank balance of love of all those who are numbered in the file of existence. This is what can be termed as “awesomeness” – what if the English language does not currently recognize this word. The more I look inward and sustain the moment, the more futile the entire cacophony of life appears, yet at the same time it sounds like an enchanting symphony. I realize that the enchantment is not because of what it is but what it is meant to be.

There is unquestionable beauty within each one of us and it is absolute. If I were to describe my idea of God, then this would be it. Humanity is a great example, a great term that we seldom realize.
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The feelings flowed inwards, and I at once realized how harsh I have been in my life. To my loved ones, to people who matter, to people who don’t, to random people around, to things that agitated me, to my own self, to little miracles that happened in my life, to things that I didn’t believe in.

My harshness hurts me now. It hurts the inner walls of my soul, and my soul cries for all that harshness. The scream of all the hurt that I would have caused in the universe, knowingly and unknowingly, was sounding as a sharp relentless screech in my ear and I could feel my senses bleeding. I was connected with all that exists in the universe and all the hurt that has been floating around from the past, present and future. It broke me down to the basic constituent of life. To the level of thought.

In that thought I understood all the Xs of life and all the Ys, understood my excesses, my ex, and the reasons why. I felt weightless. I was trembling and unable to be coherent. The nadir and zenith of the soul were made visible to me. I saw in God’s vision.

I feel refurbished beyond comprehension and imagination. Slowly the scenic beauty around me started to disappear. The attributes got dissolved into pale light, the shapes were no more, only love. I dreamt of myself sleeping and dreaming all this in that dream.

Then the voice prodded me, “Wake up, Bala. Time to start our journey, time to wake up, rise and shine. Shine like the true Sun. From heart to head, shine.” It was the Wanderer. Speaking from within that dreamscape.

I woke up at once without a trace of sleep in my eyes. As if I hadn’t slept at all.

The clock on the wall indicated that it was half past five in the morning. Full eight and a half hours of sleep and dream. Wow. A miracle of sorts. Such beautiful sleep and a wondrous dream. I was overflowing with happiness, beaming with joy, radiating life, broadcasting the universal signal of love. Like a cosmic broadcasting station, I was broadcasting the splendor of the vision I saw to the world outside.

Took a bath and got ready by 6:15 a.m. to take a walk by the sea side. Just then, the Wanderer interrupted the day’s proceeding, by booming his voice in my head. “Bala, pack up your bag. We are checking out of this hotel. I mean, right now. We are going to stay somewhere in the jungle. That’s our best bet to find the Radha flower. Time is running out, so hurry up.”

I was aghast at the comfort with which the Wanderer was breaching my privacy. However, I felt I had to listen. So it was. I checked out.

No sooner than I had mounted my scooter with my backpack, he said, “Towards Auroville, let’s ride”.

I drove towards Auroville, the morning breeze from sea jostling past my face. We both got talking, the Wanderer and me, like two friends, like two found souls; we talked random stuff, little things, singing songs along the way, like merry men. Although he didn’t find the concept of Radha Juice to be weird and funny like I did, he did join me in the song or rather the bhajan that my mom plays every morning, a bhajan that invariable wakes me up from sleep, a bhajan that is the first dhwani I hear every day, and I mean every darn day. It used to rupture whatever little sleep I was managing to have all these months.