I drove the scooter into the jungle lanes to the Italian bakery that I visited yesterday. Ordered ginger bread and a jar of hot honey ginger tea and got a seat in the open lawns. Surrounded by flowers and the chirping of the morning birds, it seemed as the ideal setting for a detailed interrogation of the Wanderer. I must confess, I was a tad irritated and anxious. The Wanderer was characteristically calm.
He kept looking at me with a mild smile on his face. I could not hold on for much longer. I had to speak, I asked him.
~~~This is how our conversation went~~~
Bala: Who are you?
Wanderer: I already told you my name and have been sharing my story for quite some time now. Is there something specifically that you are seeking to know? Please be specific, and I will give you specific answers.
Bala: Fine. Explain me then what are you? It seems like “Who are you?” as a question does not bode well with whatever you are. Are you a freaking ghost or some phantom? Are you just a screwed up thought in my head? Are you some demon? Some GOD? Are you even real?
Wanderer: I am all that and more, Bala. I am the one who meditates on the spotless supreme with thoughts attuned by constant practice and not wandering after anything else. I am everything that your mind can conceive and heart can perceive. I am the one who lies beyond, the charred gate beyond which you cannot self deceive. I am the sum total of your spirit’s possibilities, the blown up holographic projection of your inner solar nucleus, pinnacle of your god’s resonance in you. I am your direct uplink to the entire universe and silence. I am the one-page snapshot of your soul’s journey; past, present and future. I am your sum over histories. I am each of your probabilities. I am the only certainty. I am more real than you will ever be at a point in time. I am what God intended you to be at the onset. I am you. But you are not me.
Bala: Shit! WTF? Can you just talk in simple terms? I mean can you just cut the overblown cosmic crap and come to the point and tell me who are you?
Wanderer: Oh boy! The king of crap is telling me that he doesn’t understand this overblown cosmic crap.
Bala: Fine. So be it. Tell me now in simple terms.
Wanderer: Well. Consider yourself as a hundred rupee currency note as of now. That means you have some credibility and value in the system – a certain and finite value. Tomorrow your value might appreciate or depreciate. It will be finite and certain though. Basis your enriching experiences and what you garner from those, you might ascend to be a thousand rupee currency note. Or through your misdeeds and lackluster endeavors might fall through to be a ten rupee note. A finite value nonetheless.
Now let me let me explain who I am, keeping this in perspective. I am the concept of money itself. Infinite and all inclusive!
So if you actualized all your potential and thrived on all your possibilities, got screwed on all your misfortunes, fought all your fears, listened to every beat of your heart, absorbed every hint of your mind, lived every moment as it merits, dreamt all the dreams, and kept yourself open through all this, it is me who you will see in the mirror.
I am your finality. Your destination and your journey. You are the eye, while I am the vision. You are the heart, while I am feeling, you are night, while I am darkness, you are the sun and I am light.
I am your amplified truth, broadcasted!
Bala: Oh damn! Oh freaking god’s mercy. So eventually I get screwed up like you? Screwed up that bad? More than what I have got screwed up until now? Wandering? Damn it. Wandering through ages? Unquenched? Traversing through ages without a visible milestone? Like a nomad from here and there. Searching for god knows what and not finding it? Constantly feeling incomplete in every moment? Aimeless?
Shit this is a nightmare. Is this? Please tell me it is. This can’t be. I do not want to end up like you. Oh no, I don’t. For all the fancy words, this is not what I desire. Forever incomplete is not my definition of glory or attainment. Get out of my head you freaking Wanderer. You cannot be me. Not like this. I won’t go down like this.
Wanderer: Relax Bala. Don’t panic. I am not a disease or rather I should say we are not a disease. This truth that I shared should not scare you. No truth should.
I will be honest. It is not the way you have built it in your head. I am not in a state of incoherence or incompleteness or inadequacy. I am the state of perfect equilibrium.
I wander because you wander right now. My journey was complete even before I started out. I am only here to prod you on. The moment when you look within for answers, I come forth. You are able to see me now, feel me now because you are now on the path that you are meant to be. I can never be harmed, so is the case with you. For we now walk step in step. Chains of gold bond us together.
I am your infinite reserve, a pool from which you draw your invincibility now and forever. I am your cheat sheet and god mode. Stop judging me or trying to figure me out with your worldly eyes you fool. Sense me from your core and you will see the bounty of gloriousness within you that is me.
This was a one-way ticket to inner space that you bought. Now there is no turning back. You cannot run away from this. Period.
Bala: Ok. I need to take this in. What you are telling me is that I am the one who is at unrest.
Wanderer: No, I didn’t mean that. All I meant was it is alright. This is just entropy.
Bala: What do you mean by just entropy?
Wanderer: Just what the word entropy means. A measure of uncertainty of an outcome. You are just hung up on the thin slice of doubt that still lingers on and that which still makes you human.
Bala: Fuck you! (the legendary middle finger held upright against the Wanderer’s face).
Wanderer: Dude. All you need to do is your part. Do it right, without slightest of doubt or expectations. That is all. Run as you ran the marathon. Feeling every moment… not for timing, not for glory, just for the fucking love of it.
Wanderer: That’s the problem with you creative shit heads. You always are living for the “boom”, the “ah haaa” moment, the redefining big bang jamboree. Get out of it once in a while. Feel the simplicity.
Bala: I feel the simplicity!
Wanderer: Ya right!
Bala: Anyways. What is the deal with the night scorpion of yours? If you are so in balance then why do you still search for her?
Wanderer: I search for her, for I am indulging in your universe. Boy, from where I come from there is no need for love. To put it simply, in the realm beyond every realm, love does not exist. Because it is not needed.
Bala: Not needed? You mean love not needed? What is the deal with needing or not needing love?
Wanderer: It is different. Love is for your universe. The ever-expanding universe is a cold-dark place. Really cold and dark. To emote and energize, you need love. To traverse your thoughts through this cold, dark and warped space and time you need love. I need love here. It is the medium, the channel on which our lives here are embedded to break through.
Bala: So why the night scorpion? What is your connection?
Wanderer: The love of the Wanderer is not physical, mental or even spiritual. It does not exist in the form you know love to be. This love does not have its vertex in gender, specie, form or non-form. It is functional. It is like the desert winds that create intricate patterns on the dunes and through the night of the scorpion the dunes shift shape. It is here for its own purpose, like the wind, water and sky. It is not sweet, caring or benevolent as the love of the human spirit. It is flavorless, shapeless and unbiased. It is the keeper of the universe. Forever indefinable, forever untouched and spotless.
It is the night scorpion for me, for I come into this realm of yours to set you free. For you to be free, the scorpion must inflict her poison. This world is held captive by fear. The moment she inflicts her poison, the world will be free or at least freedom will be ushered in. She will be free.
So here I am, provoking the scorpion to mount her sting, and inflict me with her fatal venom, for the poison to creak into my ethereal being, to send the fading signal to my mind that has been left in the other world.
For what difference does it make, you seek the sea goddess and I seek the night scorpion of the desert. For where today are the deserts, epochs ago there were seas. Where water reigns supreme today, the wind will master tomorrow and that will complete the cycle. The dance of Radha and Krishna. The legendary union of relative and absolute. Before the start of the universe, there was promise that when the Wanderer steps into the world… the world will inject its poison into him and he will gladly vaporize… taking the poison away from this world. I am here to make her “part with her poison”.
You might ask, Bala, that is she real. Well she is as real as I am. Look into the girl’s eyes and you will see the dormant and latent scorpion and the reflexive poisonous sting. That’s how nature had conceived it. Like all poison, this poison too will set something free.
Bala: Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh!!! Are you like GOD?
Wanderer: Oh no, no, no! Please don’t get into that kind of shit with me. I do not understand this god business of yours. Keep that topic off. For the buddies I sit and hang out in other realm, we really don’t see much of Gods. You are our only Gods, our only entertainment buddy. While you look into the sky with your powerful telescopes, we use the same telescopes to observe you. I and my buddies just are looking through what you call the wrong end of the telescope. Beyond the skies above.
Bala: And what about the Radha flower? The images of the dancing queen? Those eyes?
Wanderer: Sure. A botanical garden will be the best place to start. Let us do it the way you would do it. Step by step, every step has its marks… like a mathematics exam.
Bala: I was a total loser at math. The only thing I ever knew in a math exam was the last line… “Hence Proved”. Never knew the steps.
Wanderer: Then it is high time you learn the steps. By the way, are you satisfied with the answers? You and your question man, seriously!
Bala: I guess so.
Wanderer: Then go ask the lady at the counter where we can find a botanical garden or a flower nursery nearby.
I ask the lady at the counter, and she tells me to head inwards into the jungle about three kilometers towards Auroville and take the right by the canal.
In a bizarre state of mind, I ride on searching for Radha.